an anger post

i despise imbeciles. if there's one thing [or group of persons, in this context] that i can really REALLY do without, it would have to be these less intellectual units of society. morally deprived, they cause abnormally ballooned havoc and disturbance, therefore leading to less well-crafted structures of your beliefs. they blame everything on you when they encounter a non propitious discourse, without even considering that they acted out a large role as to why they wither in their undescribably repugnant disposition today. in line with their insipid philosophies [if they even deserve to be named as such], they take all glamour and glory when they achieve what is a temporary exodus from their lethargic doings. they would always have the ill-considered guts and obsolete initiatives to make you feel inferior and helpless whenever they embody rage into their system, oblivious to the fact that they are only making themselves more foolish than they already are. they ignore your pleads of compromising because they want to hamper logic and analysis to be induced into their contaminated, filthy system. they expect, and even mandate, you to do the mediocre things that a normal person could have done with the utmost ease, which is a solid manifestation of their appurtenance and inability to face the harsh reality that they still have a lot to improve on. if you do not comply, they make you feel as if you are of no practical good because you cannot comprehend the simplest of their instructions. well, imbeciles are really good reverse psychologists. it would take a person of the strongest patience to deal with them because their mood swings are something that cannot be easily foretold, and they expect you to be the most well-honed of clairvoyants and keep up with their demands. pointless it is to argue with them because they have a mechanism of becoming deaf to your clarifications, letting you have an impromptu declamation in your void of a room. lastly, they promise you assurances which they NEVER accomplish.

my straight jacket feelings

Back me down from backing up

Hold your breath now it's stacking up

Etched with marks, but I can deal

And you're the problem and you can't feel

one of the worst feelings in this desolate, terrestrial sphere would have to be censurable for a misunderstanding you did not committ... or actively participated, in the least sense. it clouds your mind so much that you fail to fathom and privately [or publicly, as with this case] express in a large mental scope of the relatively ambiguous and unsurprisingly baseless accusations the opposing parties would have had for each other. being pro-self, you would understandably, and at times ripped off of mental keenness, defend your hostile stance first no matter how much guilt and fault play with your conscience. it is part of the human carnal instinct, it is part of fear, it is part of life. when bothered, you feel powerless, and the only way of accumulating the needed strength to move on and decapacitate yourself from your remorse by placing yourself a convenient notch higher compared to that of your victimizer. you find it easier to discharge yourself of the negativity by letting anger get into you, and even helping it take the best of you.

Try this on, straight jacket feeling

So maybe I won't be alone

Take back now, my life you're stealing

Yesterday was hell

ire is not such a preposterous state, so long as it is a perceptive wrath, since it would help you focus more to impel yourself from the drama and the vicious nonchalance by letting you know that you actually have somebody to depend on in the darkest of woes and labyrinths: yourself. the supposed aftermath of this imbalance need not be vengeance, but what i would like to coin as unbiased understanding, foolishly defined as the processes of the recovering of both parties by trying to thoroughly perceive each other from point of view which should be mostly uninfluenced by prejudice. this ensures a different kind of wisdom not found in books or any other written manifestation of morals for that matter, but in one of the most overlooked and underrated aspects of the self's development: experience. lest an undesirable reputation and fearful self-reproach would overtake your being, the self, of course, would follow or at least pattern after the aforementioned statements.

But today I'm fine without you

Runaway this time without you

And all I ever thought you'd be

That face is tearing holes in me again

love is selfless? i beg to disagree. one too many times i have always been finding myself trying to evade from this inevitable discourse but i unknowingly gained, for some cause i do not know, a miniscule amount of insight regarding this paradox. be it courage or insolence, i shall not digress, for the time being. selfless, in a tautological sense, means being altruistic, a word i cannot inculcate in my emotional vocabulary as it provides me no ground of reason. why? it is selfless. consequently, no amiable state of reason can exist without the self because there would not be a cornerstone of rationality. how could i judge the sincerity of my feelings and affection towards a girl if i myself am not taken in as a part of the mutual dealing? it would be the most pointless of claims to disown oneself for the sake of belligerent conduct, or what they claim so as love. i do still believe in the intent of the feeling, though, and it is best manifested in the unrequitted form. in the state, i would ask for nothing in return, even if the most straightforward of ocular contact would suffice to this dying urge of personal exchange. but i acted with the presence of myself, which all the more justifies my faulty claim [i could not care less should it be incoherent or so] of love being an active expression, and not a flaccid monotony.

Trust you is just one defense

Off a list of others, you don't make sense

Beg me time and time again

To take you back now, but you can't win

self-defense mechanisms were conceptualized to conceal what man is afraid to exhibit to many. they regress the being back into a more alterably acceptable behaviour in order that he constrain himself with the dogmas of the norm. moreover, these facades help in the building away of individualism as it pushes the genuine identity of the beholder further away from reality. had these psychological contraptions not been put to effective practice, the true distinctiveness of a person would have flourished in the due course of time because no ideologies would exist to suppress them. many people shroud there aura with a false cloak of embarassment because for lack of a better alternative, they revert to a life common among society. deplorable are those who take for granted their unimaginary, unattended intentions for they and their cohorts fail to see the potential that their supposed uniqueness could actually contribute to their self-growth and, of course, to society's. there is nothing wrong with being different, but there is something wrong with being ashamed of one's identity.

Take back now, my life you're stealing

Yesterday was hell

one of man's guilty pleasures hitherto is the hunger for idle talk. regardless of social status, it would always add delight to someone's day should he hear of usually malicious stories regarding people with colorful lives. knowing that others out in the open have lives more messed up than his provides him with an eerie sense of reassurance that he is not the most tediously dull breathing organism alive. in a factional sense, this stratification proves to be quite the beneficial one as it uplifts one's self-pride, but at the same time, it clutters the mental capabilities of the person. gossip is engineered to get the public's attention in a way that it catches more than what it deserves, which is, at the least, detrimental as it surrenders the person's attention to the mostly unimportant, and usually petty discussions. one overlooked fact again would have to be the inability of man to decipher the validity of the hearsays that he encounters. so long as he is not the one talked about, he will continue to worship the culture of hogwash tattling. unless these people [no, actually US] learn that we actually have our own lives to deal with, society will remain to be the way it is today: undescribably imbalanced.

And when the memory slips away

There will be a better view from here

And only lonesome you remains

And just the thought of you I fear

It falls away

in lieu with identity formation, there also exists the man who longs to deviate himself from the hackneyed structures of society. he often qualms about not being able to be understood and moreover appreciated by other people. unaccountably, i feel that nobody could ever understand him, because he longs for an individualism that only he knows about. he tries to intercept his sentiments and let it cumulate to his development, therefore leading to a unique combination of traits and flaws that only he possesses. this inability, personally, is not such a bad thing because man needs not to be fully [i reinstate: fully] understood in the first place, as each existence in this spherical world has a different perception of understanding. after pondering some critical thought, i concluded the most that he could get from his comrades would have to be appreciation because at least in that manner, there is a feeling of belonging due to your uniqueness. let us appreciate diversity, for it is in our differences when we shall know who we are, and who we are not.

But today I'm fine without you

Runaway this time without you

And all the things you put me through

I'm holding on by letting go of you

i do not know if i love you because i pity you or i sympathize with you because i love you. the thin line governing the boundaries between empathy and deep affection clouds my vision everytime i think of you. circumstances point mainly to the latter as manifested by what has been occuring around our separate and collective existences. much credit must be given to your undeniably witty gauge on using your inabilities to its finest level as you leave me brainwashed everytime you control my emotions. i let myself be submissive to your game because i do not want to take fault in your breakdowns for i have something i have to live up to. knowing that i compromise more rather than analyze, i feel much apathy because i am usually one who controls my decisions with the utmost intellect. i want to change you and your philosophies in life, but i cannot because everytime i attempt so, i manage to accomplish otherwise. there is nothing harder than to watch you turn yourself into a lethal bomb, and actually feel powerless and do nothing about it. but please remember that there are people out there who actually love you, and this writer just happens to be one of those.

-----

i was listening to The All American Reject's "Straight Jacket Feeling" and voila, all sorts of thoughts flooded my mind.

and i knew that i just had to write it. :)

code switching

g r i e f. ich brauche hilfe. a p p a r e n t l y. ich bin schwerhorig. p r e v a i l e d. ich bin abhangig von dich. c r o w n i n g. ich habe mich in dich verliebt. t r a n c e. konnen wir uns? e t h n o c e n t r i c. ich wurde dich so gerne weidersehen.
ich interessiere mich fur dich! ich mag dich sehr! magst du mich auch?

atmen sie tief. offnen sie den mund. zeigen sie ihre zunge.
kuss mich. liebe mich.
mein liebe. why are you so far away?

headfirst on chaos.

it's really funny how you can be there and not there at the same time.

question: are unintentional mistakes worth the gravity of deliberate ones?

if you didn't mean it, should you be blamed hypocritically?

i hate the ability of some people to subtly put you out of place.

loneliness sucks.

left. :)

misunderstandings lead to many things.


but the most important realization one should make is that misunderstandings should never be the reason for a relationship to fall apart.



fall apart not because something went wrong, but because something was just not meant to be.



i don't know how to say this, but sorry.



for in despair, one finds hope that things eventually will work out again.


if we all should learn to understand.

- crap.